Words I Need to Hear

So....some things have happened.

Mainly, Will was born.

And WHOA nelly did that rock my world. Despite all the books I read (several), and the weeks and weeks of classes we took, I was seriously underprepared for life with baby. (To be fair, I felt VERY prepared for labor and delivery, just not LIVING WITH A BABY.)

Really, I'm not sure any words can prepare you. Because those cliches people toss around - they're all true. But because they're cliches, they don't mean anything anymore. "Your life will never be the same." Um, YEAH.

So anyway, this is all a lame excuse for not having posted in awhile. Moving on...

I wrote on Facebook the other day that every time I feel like I've got this whole baby-thing figured out, it changes. And more and more every day, that's true. The very second I start to feel pretty good about how we're all doing this, something else happens to show me I'm not actually on top of things.

Last week, Will had settled into a routine in which he goes to sleep at 9pm, and would sleep until about 6am. Awesome, right? (answer: YES) Well, I got all Mrs. Mommy Big Pants and thought I had this baby figured out, and one night last week, he wouldn't go to sleep at 9pm. He was WIDE awake. Dimming the lights, singing, walking him around, rocking him, nothing even came CLOSE to putting him to sleep.

I started crying.

It wasn't a terribly stressful situation. He wasn't screaming. He was just...WIDE AWAKE. I'm sure part of my emotional reaction has to do with the fact that I was pretty tired and wanted to go to sleep. But the biggest part of it is that I had JUST started feeling like I understood what the deal was, and then got the whammy.

While I was sitting in the rocking chair, rocking the baby, staring into his bright, awake eyes, with tears streaming down my face, Duncan comes in the room and says, "Baby, you're doing GREAT. You're doing a GREAT JOB."

He tells me that a lot. And I don't say that to say I don't believe him. He really means it. I say that to show you how very much I need to hear those words these days.

I feel like every little cry or temper tantrum or pouty lip or squeal is a reflection on how well (or not) I'm doing. Truth is, it's not, but I still feel that way. And hearing my husband affirm me at least once a day (frequently, much more than that) has been so important to me.

When I spend several hours a day trying to make (keep) this little baby happy and fed and well-rested, those little words make a huge difference when I'm about to have (or am having) a meltdown.

So many times I've thanked the Lord for Duncan...

Love,

Steph