Churning Out a Baby (Blog)

Hey friends. I know. It’s been too long.

Problem is: I’ve been trying to write about Little Bitty. And there are a few problems with that.

One is, when D and I first found out we were expecting, I got the idea to write a journal TO the baby and fill it with my thoughts and our prayers for him or her and give it to him or her one day. I actually really like that idea, but what happened is every emotion I had, every little flutter of sentiment I have got put into that.

Another problem is: I’ve been feeling great! Yeah, I know that doesn’t sound like a problem (and really in ways much bigger than this blog, it’s not a problem). But feeling great feels a lot like not feeling pregnant. Especially when you can’t *feel* the baby or *see* the baby.

Sure, there have been some really obvious physical signs and I’m not really second guessing if I’m actually pregnant, but it’s just a weird feeling to feel completely normal most days. Especially when there are SO many women who don’t when they’re pregnant.

So it’s been a little hard to feel like it’s REAL. When I’m hurling, it feels real. When I am so tired I feel like a warm, wet blanket has been laid over me and I haven’t done anything, it feels real. When someone’s cologne makes me want to run to the bathroom, it feels real. But there have been a lot more moments of feeling totally fine than those. Isn’t it strange how we’ve programmed ourselves to not feel gloriously pregnant unless we feel gloriously horrible?

Scratch that. Isn’t it strange how I’ve programmed myself to not feel gloriously pregnant unless I feel gloriously horrible?

So, if you’ve been one of those people who come up to me and want us to immediately bond in a happy-clap-n-dance of mommyhood and I haven’t been up to it, sorry. Check back in a few weeks.

Some preggie friends tell me you can start feeling the baby move around at 14 weeks. I’m at 12, so that’s pretty close. Also, we have a doc appt in a week and a half and hopefully we’ll get to hear a heartbeat. I’m pretty sure THAT will bring everything snapping into reality.

A heartbeat is a pretty real deal. I can’t wait. Prolly if you see me later that day I’ll do the happy-clap-n-dance for motherhood.