The wedding was really all I ever dreamed of, hoped for and wanted. It was just perfect. In all kinds of ways I didn’t plan for.
I’m still…digesting? sorting through? decompressing? hmmmm….not sure. Whatever it is, I can’t put my thoughts and feelings into one, cohesive blog entry. Or even one emotion. So I’m going to try to express just how special and wonderful and blessed it was by sharing with you some of my favorite moments you probably didn’t see.
You saw the ceremony, you saw the tear in his eye, you heard our voices pledge love to no other, you saw our faces light up, you saw us dance, you saw us fade between being with no one else in the world but each other and being surrounded by our most cherished family and friends. But, dear ones, there is so much more. There are so many things you didn’t see.
1.) My precious dad. Friends, you didn’t see two days before the wedding, when he showed me all the work and practice he’d done by himself on the father/daughter dance. You didn’t see the hours of dedicated practice unfold before you in a two minute song with a twangy country beat. How all the years of worrying about this moment disappeared into a genuine desire to dance well, with his daughter, on her wedding day. You didn’t see him put on his sunglasses when his face turned red with impending tears.
And you weren’t there for the moment I will always remember, but how could you? There were only two of us there (make that Three). That 15 seconds outside the chapel, waiting on my dad’s arm to be delivered into the hands of my very-soon-to-be husband. When he couldn’t look at me or risk the tears he’d been trying so hard to hold at bay. I could tell words were near, and I leaned close (stopped breathing?) to hear them. His eyes met mine and he murmured “You look beautiful”. And his face turned quickly away, and my heart melted. Two seconds to cherish it, and time to go.
2.) And most of you didn’t see the moment just minutes before that, in that hot dressing room in the chapel. It was a sight. Five girls (women) who’d spent the entire day getting ready for the moment five minutes from then. Five girls (women) who were all dressed up in their prettiest outfits, in their just-right makeup, and my-legs-look-awesome shoes, with their hair perfectly curled, pinned, sprayed, gelled, and puffed…bowing before the Creator. Five girls (women) holding hands, asking for blessings, love, guidance, nearness, wisdom, patience, grace, mercy. Oh, their voices. Their voices on my behalf. Their voices speaking so much love for the new couple. I won’t forget the way they sounded. So raw. So pure. So genuine.
3.) And you were probably dancing or eating your piece of cake when I found a moment to sit down at the reception. Just a moment for my feet to relax, when my husband was dancing with ______. You probably didn’t see the look on my mom’s face…happiness, with an ever-increasing sense of relief. You know, the kind you can literally see leaving someone’s eyes and shoulders. She said something about everyone being really happy with the party and having a nice time, but I didn’t need the words. What I needed was to assure her, “It’s perfect. You did that.” And see heaps and heaps of stress fly away. What was left was love. In her eyes, just love. Glowing.
Friends, you enjoyed the reception and the wedding because of her work and creativity.
4.) You might have been watching when I danced with my brother, but I’m certain you didn’t hear those words. After a year filled with we’re-growing-up-and-are-still-figuring-out-how-to-support-each-other-the-way-we-did-when-we-were-kids-but-as-grown-ups, we were quiet. After a year filled with awkward bumbling through this crazy-strong bond we have (and don’t quite understand) while disagreeing on something big for really the first time in our lives, we just danced at first. Then ‘you look really pretty’. Then something stupid and mumbling and stuttering from me thanking him for coming through at the last minute for me to be the evening’s master of ceremonies. Then, very deliberately, very sincerely, looking straight at me, he said something like you’re welcome, then, “Whatever you need, sis. Whenever you need it. I’ll do it.” Then my childish side wanting to get past the tender moment, and my grown-up side winning and staying there… feeling so happy and grateful and loved.
5.) I know you weren’t there in the car on the way to the reception. There was only one new husband and one new wife (and one cabbie-like driver named
6.) You probably didn’t hear my conversation with a family friend of my new husband’s. You didn’t see when he pulled me aside. You didn’t see his face when he started telling me just how special
In the middle of that swirl of best wishes and congratulations and hugs and dancing there were three minutes that were still. And I can still see the face of my acquaintance-turning-friend, glowing with respect for marriage, radiating with love for his wife, and the gravity that comes with trying to help the bride remember just how big.the.moment.is.
7.) And you didn’t see my husband’s eyes, gazing unwaveringly and lovingly into mine, while a very dear friend read Scripture into the chapel, into our hearts, into our marriage (into yours, we pray).
“…the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…”
His lips once in a while mouthing “I love you”.
“…no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…”
His hands upholding mine (are mine shaking?), a gentle stroke of his finger.
“…do not urge me to leave you…your people shall be my people…”
And the Lord…(could I feel it? yes, I could.)… molding me, right there in that chapel.
There are so many. These are just a few. Thanks for being part of them.
Will all my love (feels like my heart can’t produce enough to give to everyone I want),
Steph
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